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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931803">Snapple</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkCripps/pseuds/PinkCripps'>PinkCripps</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Cursed, Other, Smut, You Have Been Warned, this is the most bizarre thing i have ever written</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:13:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkCripps/pseuds/PinkCripps</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape finds himself in a most unexpected attraction. (And the poor man never does realize what caused it)</p><p>Snapple = Snape + apple, and that’s how this monstrosity was born.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Severus Snape/Apple, Severus Snape/Himself, Severus Snape/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Snapple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus observed the apple sitting on his desk, mocking him. A bloody apple, like he was one of those typical muggle primary teachers, beloved by children and adored by all. He wanted to cackle at the irony of it all. The universe could sometimes have such a sense of humor.</p><p>An apple on his desk. He supposed now he could say he was a real teacher.</p><p>Although, it hadn’t exactly been given to him. He had confiscated it earlier today from one Draco Malfoy, who for some strange adolescent reason had developed an obsession with eating apples this year.</p><p>He sincerely hoped it passed soon.</p><p>Draco had pouted, naturally, when Severus informed him food was not allowed near the cauldrons. He plucked the offending fruit from Draco’s hands and commanded the petulant child to continue with his brewing.</p><p>That was during his first class of the day. He was now having his last class, his sixth year students, pack up and leave. But there was still something for him left to do. He massaged the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“Miss Smith,” he voiced without looking up, “do stay behind for a moment.”</p><p>The student in question, one of his Slytherins, turned to look at him with a neutral face. But she clutched her satchel to the side of her body with a little more force than necessary.</p><p>“Yes, Professor Snape? What is it?” she said.</p><p>Severus waited for the door to close before replying. “You know exactly what it is, Miss Smith. Hand it over.”</p><p>His student knew better than to play ignorant. “Oh, but I wasn’t going to actually use it! I was just curious. About its composition. It is a fascinating potion, is it not?”</p><p>So the girl was trying to appeal to him as a Potions Master? “Miss Smith, I shall look over your blatant attempt at manipulation, if you hand over the lust potion right now.”</p><p>The girl scowled at him, pretenses gone. “Fine,” she huffed, angrily digging through her satchel.</p><p>Merlin save him from dramatic teenagers.</p><p>She drew the bottle out of her bag rashly, the motion causing it to instead slip out of her hand and fly towards his desk. It crashed against the side, potion splattering all over it.</p><p>Severus hurriedly performed a Scorgify, noting with relief the lust potion had not gotten on either of them. However relief quickly morphed to anger.</p><p>He swiveled to Miss Smith, who was now staring at him wide-eyed.</p><p>He did not bother with cruel words. A frightening glare was all it took. “Twenty points from Slytherin,” he hissed. “Leave.”</p><p>And she did, scrambling to get out of his presence.</p><p>Severus pinched the bridge of his nose once more. He decided to retire to his office to grade; slashing through some hapless student’s work always made him feel better. So he gathered the essays and left, leaving the apple on the desk.</p><p>For he had not noticed the potion earlier splash onto it.</p>
<hr/><p>Severus glanced at the clock while he finished his brew, noting with surprise the late hour. He cleaned up, anxious to get back to his rooms; but first he had to pick up some essays he had left in the potions classroom.</p><p>He quickly gathered the stacks of paper and made to leave, but the gleam of the apple still on his desk caught his eye. He considered it a moment before picking it up as well. Severus made his way back to his chambers, the apple’s essences soaking into his hand as he walked.</p><p>Severus tossed the apple onto his coffee table as he entered his chambers. He sank into the couch, intending to read his book. However, minutes passed and he had not yet comprehended a single sentence.</p><p>His attention kept wandering to the fruit sitting in front of him, light from the fireplace playing with its shiny exterior. His mouth watered.</p><p>Was he hungry? He had skipped dinner, though that was normal for him. He didn’t usually feel hungry because of that.</p><p>Severus shrugged, getting up and taking the apple. He brought it to the sink and watched as water ran over its green surface. Softly rubbing the outside, he cleaned the apple of any dirt.</p><p>He turned off the tap and admired the way water trickled down the apple’s side, admired it soft beauty.His eyes flashed.</p><p>Severus slowly brought the fruit to his mouth and flicked his tongue out, licking a water droplet running along the supple flesh.</p><p>Severus blinked in surprise. He had intended to bite into it.</p><p>It was then he realized he was hard as granite.</p><p>Severus moaned, eyes closing and confusion whirling in his mind. But he continued to lick the surface of the apple, and soon confusion was forgotten in favor of pleasure.</p><p>He savored the way the water sank onto his tongue, hydrating his mouth. Even when he had lapped up all the moisture from the fruit, he continued to drag his tongue along it in long strokes, pants escaping from his open mouth.</p><p>He moved to the top of the apple, where the pit was, and stuck his tongue in. Severus swirled his tongue in and out of the depth in the same rhythm he rutted his crotch against the edge of his bed.</p><p>He wondered briefly when and how he had gotten into his bedroom, but soon thought was overtaken with lust and he was unbuttoning his frock coat. Wand running along the buttons as they opened, Severus ached for release.</p><p>He dropped onto the bed, still in his white dress shirt and tented trousers. He was too impatient to bother undressing anymore. He needed to fuck his apple, and he needed to fuck it now.</p><p>He held out the object of his desire in front of it, looking at it with a predatory gleam in his eyes. With wandless magic unhinged with lust, he cut around the core of the apple. His cock twitched as he listened to the luscious sound of its flesh being cut.</p><p>He sloppily unbuttoned his trousers, sighing with relief as his erection shot up, unrestrained. Dragging his boxers down with one hand, with the other he positioned the bottom of the apple to the top of his cock.</p><p>His pre-cum smeared against the apple, and Severus growled in desire at the sight. Agonizingly slow, he pushed his cock into the apple, pausing just as the head popped in.</p><p>Tight. Oh Merlin, it was so tight, and wet. The apple’s juices dripped down his length, not unlike the water on the apple earlier. Breathing heavily, he continued to push in.</p><p>Severus watched avidly as the core started sliding out from the top of the apple. Up it went, being pushed out by his hard cock, until it stayed in the apple only through the smallest millimeter.</p><p>Severus paused in anticipation. The inane thought that he was taking the fruit’s virginity crossed him mind. He then pushed the slightest bit more, feeling the core fall out of the apple and land on his still-clothe thigh.</p><p>However, he did not notice, captivated as he was by the way the head of his cock now peeked through the top of the apple. He pushed a little more, sharply inhaling as more of his length came through the top. The apple’s middle was now completely replaced by his penis.</p><p>The thought sent a shudder of excitement though him, and he pushed the apple all the way down. The movement drew a shout of pleasure from him.</p><p>Severus felt tingles travel all throughout his body as he drew the apple back up his arousal. Pausing only to adjust the grip of the apple in his hand, he started to fuck the apple in earnest.</p><p>He panted as the fruit traveled up and down his erection. He was in the greatest ecstasy, feeling the tight wall of the apple rub his arousal. His thick cock only just barely fit through the diameter of the apple’s hole, and he moaned in appreciation.</p><p>Sliding it along his length, Severus fucked his apple for what seemed like an eternity. If only he could. If only he could live the rest of his life, his cock buried in the sweet, juicy depths of his apple.</p><p>Severus groaned as he imagined sitting behind his desk in class, his apple secretly wrapped around his erection.</p><p>He started to play his balls with his other hand, wishing it was the smooth exterior of the fruit he felt instead.</p><p>Severus could feel his peak running up to him. He moved his arm a little faster, massaged his balls a little harder. He could feel himself on the edge, about to fall...</p><p>“Oh! Aaahh, fuck! Ugnhh, yes, yesss...” flashes of white played across his sight as orgasm crashed through him, or maybe that was just his cum, spurting all across the bed.</p><p>Severus leaned boneless against the headboard, momentarily breathless. Dregs of pleasure still trailed through him in his post-coital contentment.</p><p>He drew the apple off his softening penis and held it in front of him, admiring the way his liquid arousal decorated the fruit.</p><p>A bead of his cum dangled on the edge of the hole, about to fall off. Severus quickly darted out his tongue, savoring the blend of the apple’s tart juices and his semen.</p><p>Instead of licking it all up as he desired, however, he placed it on the nightstand next to him: his apple, debauched, on display for his lustful eyes.</p><p>Severus stared at it until his eyelids drooped and he could no more, falling gently into a deep sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>“What the hell.”</p><p>Severus, who had gotten up in a jolt, whipped his head to the left. The apple still sat on the nightstand, browned and fetid. He immediately banished it.</p><p>“What the hell.”</p><p>He barreled to his bathroom, purposely gagging himself so he would throw up whatever perverted potion he had to have been dosed with. Picking up his wand, Severus cast a detecting spell on himself, recoiling when it came up clean.</p><p>“What the hell.”</p><p>It simply was not true. His memory was playing tricks tricks on him, making him believe a disturbing dream was reality.</p><p>He did <em>not</em> just have sex with an apple.</p>
<hr/><p>“Ah, Severus, good morning!” greeted Dumbledore jovially as Severus stormed into the hall. “A muggle student gave me the most interesting beverage today.”</p><p>In no mood to deal with the old man’s hijinks today, the black-clad man did not reply as he slid into his seat. The Headmaster was not deterred, however.</p><p>He placed the drink in front of Severus. “Snapple,” he voiced, “its name almost sounds a combination of yours and apple. How intriguing.”</p><p>Severus blanched and pushed the bottle away. He suddenly had no more appetite for breakfast.</p><p>In fact, if anyone noticed, he no more had an appetite for apples the rest of the year.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh Jesus my Lord forgive me. I cannot believe I actually wrote and posted this.</p><p>More explicit works are probably not in my future, just saying. This was a silly one-off of an idea that <em>would not go away.</em></p></blockquote></div></div>
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